HATE CRUSH Read online

  I wiggle in his grasp, crying out in shock and pleasure as his tongue invades the most private part of my body. He eats me like a man who’s been starving for ten thousand years, and I live for every second of it. At times, it’s so intense I beg him to release me, but his torture is relentless, and it’s only when my legs give out that the orgasm rips through my body like a tidal wave.

  Blood rushes to my head and waves of dizziness crash over me. I’m little more than a rag doll when he flips me over and pulls me into the middle of the bed. I study his profile, wishing I could see all of him, but he turns away and removes the rest of his clothes. Stripping the articles off one by one, he lays them onto the desk and then blows out all but one of the candles in the room. It’s so dark I can only see the faintest hint of his silhouette when the bed dips beside me.

  His scent engulfs me as he grips my thighs and spreads them apart, opening me up for his body. Vaguely, I recall our agreement about being safe, and I trust that he’s wearing a condom since I made it clear I’m not on birth control.

  He kneels between my parted thighs and pauses there for a moment. I want to know his thoughts. What is going through his mind as he lingers on the threshold of no return? There isn’t time to ask. In the matter of a second, his lips crash into mine with a growl that tells me he lost whatever battle he was fighting. I breathe him in. I drink from his lips and curl my fingers into the hot flesh of his back, our hips bumping against each other as we desperately try to align our bodies. He kisses with an art that only Sebastian could possess. The art of a man who knows what he wants and how he wants it. I know he will fuck me like a man too.

  Between ragged breaths, he reaches down and nudges his cock against the sanctuary that could only ever belong to him. I bury my face deep in his neck and inhale. God, I will never get enough of this. He’s already ruined me for anyone else. Does he know that? Does he know in my mind, I’m already his?

  There are no words spoken between us when he thrusts his hips forward and shatters my virginity. There are only stuttered breaths and teeth and nails and pain. I invite the pain. I open wide for his pain. I pull his face back to mine and sob into his mouth once he’s all the way inside me. Relief is all I feel. He’s a part of me now, my body bending to his needs, slowly giving way. I’m soaked for him, and that helps, but it doesn’t completely take the edge off. Nothing will. The only thing to do is accept it. As far as Sebastian Carter is concerned, I have no doubts there will always be pleasure and pain.

  He rolls his hips, and I cling to him like the needy fiend I am, desperate for his every heartbeat, his every sound. They roll from his lips so freely, grunts and muttered curses. He pauses then starts again, then pauses, trying to rein in his control. I want him to lose it. I want him to lose his goddamned mind just like I have as he fucks me into the bed.

  “Sebastian.” I reach out to touch his face, and he swiftly pins my wrists above my head. A sound of protest leaves my lips, but he doesn’t care. He’s in control. Always in control. And he proves that as he begins to work my clit with his free hand, making me shatter all over again.

  That’s when the real fucking begins. It’s animalistic. It’s pure fire. His hips drive in and out of me, smashing against my body as our lips clash together. I can taste blood from his teeth, and the salt of our combined sweat. I savor those explosions across my tongue as I wrap my legs around him and squeeze him deeper into my body, trying to hold him forever. But nothing lasts forever, and he is testament to that when he throws his head back and roars out his release. It sounds like ten years of pent-up tension just detonated inside his body, and when he releases my hands, he’s too exhausted to fight when I stroke his back and hold him against me just a little longer.

  I want to stay like this for eternity. I want to fall asleep with him and wake up next to those dark green eyes, and then do this all over again. But he has other plans, just as I feared he would.

  He pulls away from me and leaves me there while he disappears into the bathroom. I can hear him cleaning himself up, and when he returns, he uses a hand towel to wipe between my legs. I allow him to do this even though it feels like the first step to a dreaded goodbye.

  Tension has returned to his body, and the deafening silence is almost crippling when he retreats and begins to dress. I wait for something from his lips. Anything. But the only thing he leaves is a card on the desk. My pride won’t let me ask him to stay, and his already has him walking out the door.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  STELLA

  AFTER I MANAGED to put myself back together again, I took the car service, courtesy of the card he left on the desk. Back at the dorms, I curl up in my bed and don’t leave again until Sybil comes bounding in on Sunday afternoon.

  “Are you okay?” she demands, eyeballing the mess that is my hair.

  “I’m good,” I lie.

  She sighs and sits down beside me. “Stella, I know about your dad.”

  “Your parents told you?”

  She nods. “I’m so sorry. I can’t believe he would just leave you like that.”

  She doesn’t say anything about the crime he committed, and for that, at least, I can be grateful.

  “I guess I’m pretty much on my own now,” I say.

  “You aren’t on your own.” She offers me a sad smile. “You have me. And I can always help you with whatever you need.”

  “Thanks.” I force a smile in return. “I appreciate that.”

  Silence descends over us, and she seems to consider something for a moment. “When you said you were doing that creative writing assignment, that wasn’t really about you, was it?”

  The shame I feel inside is too awful to bear, and as much as I want to, I can’t lie to Sybil again. But it turns out I don’t need to because it’s written all over my face.

  “Oh my God, Stella. You didn’t do something crazy, did you? Is that why you wanted to stay behind this weekend?”

  Emotion bubbles up my throat as I consider how much to tell her. I trust Sybil, and I know she would never, ever, ever spill a secret. But at the same time, I don’t think Sebastian would be too happy with me if I told her. Regardless, she’s my best friend, and right now, I’m not too happy with him either. So, we’re even, I guess.

  I drag my body upright and gesture for the pack of gummy bears in Sybil’s hand as I offer her the only explanation I have.

  “I’m pretty sure I sold myself to Mr. Carter this weekend.”

  AFTER SYBIL’S freak-out and the hours-long discussion that ensued, I feel a lot better about facing Monday, if only to have it off my chest. She promised me she wouldn’t say anything after I assured her I was okay, and that as crazy as it sounds, I wanted it. Then Sybil pointed out that she felt this weird sexual tension between me and Mr. Carter but didn’t want to say anything in case she was wrong. She also went on to tell me how numerous girls at this school have tried to seduce the hot devil teacher, and I have been the only one on record to succeed. That doesn’t make me feel any better.

  The financial office confirmed receipt of my tuition, plus a little extra for expenses. I’m officially safe to stay at Loyola for the remainder of the school year as long as I don’t screw up. I should feel relieved, but I don’t. Especially when I get to class on Monday, and Sebastian won’t even look at me. Today, he’s wearing a Prussian blue suit with a pale blue undershirt and black cap-toe derby shoes. He looks good enough to die for, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to concentrate when I can still taste him on my lips. When he asks Louisa to shut the door this time, the green-eyed monster in me glares at her as she skips across the room.

  Almost immediately, Mr. Carter launches into a discussion on QUEST framework and our end of year presentations, which we need to start planning now. I’m struggling to keep up as I cave into my baser needs, studying every line and curve of his face.

  “You might want to be a little less obvious.” Sybil elbows me in the side.

  His eyes snap to us, and I force my attention to my journal as I pretend to jot down notes. What I’m really doing is doodling his name a thousand different ways. Is he just going to act as if Saturday night never happened and carry on with the rest of the school year giving me the cold shoulder? Sybil’s thoughts seem to echo my own as the class draws to an end, and we leave together. Sebastian never addressed me or bothered to look my way again after he caught us whispering.

  “Mr. Carter was in fine form today.” She points out.

  “I know.” I sigh.

  “No offense, Stella. The dude might be hot, but he seems colder than ice. What was it even like, anyway?”

  Pieces of Saturday night flash through my mind, and my entire body turns feverish. Sebastian might be cold, but what happened between us was anything but.

  “I think there’s a reason he’s that way,” I remark. “I don’t think he intentionally wants to be so detached. Who would?”

  “We all have our crosses to bear, I guess.” She shrugs. “I’m sure you’re right, but still. It just seems to me like you don’t deserve his cold front. If you’re going to have a rendezvous with a teacher, it needs to be worth it. Just be careful, okay? I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

  When I swallow, it feels like I’m choking on a lie. Or maybe the truth. Either way, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. “It doesn’t matter. I doubt anything will happen between us again. He’s made it pretty clear where he stands.”

  “I guess so.” She nods. “Will I see you at cheer tryouts this afternoon?”

  I chew on my lip as I consider it. Now that my parents have both disappeared, it seems pretty dumb to keep up this charade. They were the only reason I applied for cheer squad to begin with. My mother would have loved adding that to the list of things she actually liked about
me. But that ship has sailed now.

  “I don’t know if I’m the cheer type,” I admit.

  Sybil’s lip tilts up at the corner. “Yeah, I kind of figured your heart wasn’t in it. But that’s okay. You can just come and watch me steal the show.”

  “Sounds like a deal.” I laugh.

  TO MY DISAPPOINTMENT, Mr. Carter didn’t show up to detention today either. Instead, I was stuck with Mrs. Chen and the never-ending saga of her romance audiobook. At least I still had some company from the boys who got in trouble in the science lab. It appears they’ll be in detention for a while too. And while I’m pretty sure that I’ve served my sentence, I keep showing up regardless, and I will until Sebastian tells me otherwise.

  Cheer tryouts are this evening, and I help Sybil practice on the quad before they call her in. She makes me wear one of her old uniforms to make the experience authentic, whatever that means. We’ve studied the routine so many times that she’s not nervous about it, and I already know she’s a shoo-in, but she won’t know for sure until next week.

  “I have to go put in some studio time,” she tells me as we leave. “You going to be okay?”

  “Always.” I bump her hip with mine. “I’m just going to take a walk around campus to burn off some of this excess energy.”

  “Okay,” she chirps. “Have fun. I’ll be back in my dorm before curfew if you want to chat.”

  I nod, and she skips away while I consider going back to the dorm to change. It’s cool outside, but I’m still burning up from practice, so I opt to keep the cheer uniform on for my evening stroll. I haven’t really had a chance to explore the entire campus yet, and I really need to do something to clear my head. It’s a good plan until I realize that the seasons are quickly changing, and the light is fading a lot faster than it normally would. At seven o’clock, the campus is already swallowed up by darkness, apart from the occasional lights around the buildings.

  Regardless, I keep moving along the fence line on the east side because the cool air is refreshing and I’m feeling rebellious. Secretly, I hope that if I exhaust myself, I’ll be able to put Sebastian out of my mind and get some sleep tonight. But that notion falls to pieces when I hear his voice behind me.

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  The biting sharpness in his tone makes me jump before I turn around and glance in his direction. The blue suit is gone, and now he’s in a black T-shirt and gray sweats. The sheen of sweat across his forehead seems like an indication he’s been running off his own pent-up frustration. And it looks like he’s been at it for a while. My tongue darts out to wet my lips, and I force myself to remember how much I hate him as I toss out my reply and turn away.

  “Walking, obviously.”

  I don’t get what his problem is. It’s not even curfew yet, and technically, I’m not doing anything wrong. But Sebastian doesn’t seem to agree, and he makes that clear when he catches up with me and grabs me by the arm.

  “Stella.” His voice is a warning, and the silhouette of his face in the shadows reminds me so much of Saturday night my entire body comes alive for him.

  “What?” I croak.

  “It isn’t safe for you to be out here,” he snaps.

  The severity of his tone irritates me to no end, and I yank away from him. “Don’t act like you care.”

  I try to move, but he corners me against the brick border wall that acts as a fence line, caging me in with his arms. We are completely alone out here, and he knows it.

  “Goddammit, Stella.” He pinches my face between his warm fingers. “I’m not fucking around. What the hell are you thinking walking alone out here?”

  “I’m thinking that it’s a nice fucking night, and I wanted to go for a walk,” I bite back.

  His nostrils flare, and even now, fireworks are flying between us. His face is only inches from mine, and his body even less. But he’s still trying to act like a teacher, and he doesn’t want to acknowledge any other truth.

  “I know it was you,” I tell him.

  His grip on my face tightens as he leans closer, his words laced with venom. “Do you even realize what could have happened to you if it wasn’t me?”

  My rebellion falls apart under the weight of his angry confession. He just admitted it was him, and that feels huge to me. There’s still a lot to be said, but right now, I don’t care. I curl my fingers into his shirt and lean up on my toes to kiss him.

  Sebastian doesn’t allow me for one second to think I’m in control. As soon as our lips come together, his hand fists in my hair, and he starts to devour me. This time isn’t like Saturday night. This kiss is one hundred percent venom, and it’s clear that Mr. Carter is all out of patience as far as I’m concerned.

  I’m left gasping for air when he whirls me around and slaps my hands down onto the brick wall, commanding me not to move. He flips my skirt up behind me and tugs the spankies and my panties down around my knees. The cold air hits me between my thighs, followed by his warm palm sliding over me.

  “You look fucking ridiculous in this outfit,” he grunts.

  “Yet here we are,” I whisper. “With your hand between my legs, regardless.”

  “You’re soaked for me, you little deviant.” He nips at my ear. “Because you haven’t stopped thinking about it, have you?”

  I don’t want to be so transparent, but there’s no denying the truth between my legs. The evidence is there on his fingers, sticky and sweet and wanting.

  “This time isn’t going to be tender,” he threatens as he yanks down his sweatpants. I feel his hard cock poking against my ass before he slides it down between my thighs and kicks my legs farther apart.

  “Don’t even think about moving.” His fingers dig into my hips.

  I don’t see why I would, at least until he thrusts deep inside me, bottoming out with a groan. The urge to wiggle in his grasp is real, but I hold my breath and wait for him to use me like his own personal fuck toy. And tonight, that’s exactly what he does.

  He thrusts against me and claws at my body, slamming his hips forward so they slap against the skin of my ass. I don’t move a muscle, even as my legs tremble and threaten to give out. It’s the single most erotic game we could play, bending over for Mr. Carter in a dark corner of the campus while he fucks me like an animal. Our sweaty bodies collide, his scent soaking into my skin. But I want so much more. I want to taste him. I want to melt him in a spoon and inject him into my veins.

  Somewhere in the back of my mind, it occurs to me that he’s fucking me raw. Just like he fucked me raw on Saturday. That wasn’t the agreement, but after he wiped me down and left, there was still traces of him on my skin. Even now, as his grip on me tightens and his breath grows ragged, I can’t find it in me to care. I want to feel his come dripping down my thighs. I want him without any barriers or restrictions.

  But he doesn’t give me the satisfaction. When my body surrenders to him with an orgasm so violent I can barely breathe, he withdraws his cock and pumps it in his fist, releasing himself directly into my panties. And then he pulls them back up over my hips, rubbing the soaked material into my pussy.

  “Something to remember me by,” he growls into my ear.

  “Go ahead. Try to forget me.” I yank down my skirt and turn to face him. “You and I both know you aren’t going to stop. Face it, Mr. Carter, you’re balls deep in this situation now. And I think you like it.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  SEBASTIAN

  A FULL WEEK has come and gone, and I’ve successfully managed to avoid all contact with Stella. No small feat, considering she’s been plaguing my mind every godforsaken second of every day. When she’s not in my class, I’m wondering what she’s doing. And at night, as I stare at my wall when I should be sleeping, I wonder if she’s safe. On more occasions than I care to admit, I’ve found myself slipping on my Nikes only to run past her dorm to check for her light. This problem is becoming a fucking nuisance, and I don’t have the first clue how I’m going to purge her from my system.

  Shame and self-loathing eat at me as I jerk off in my fist every night thinking about her pussy. The tight, untouched pussy that I fucked and claimed. The towel I used to wipe away her blood in the hotel room is still sitting on my bathroom counter, and my head is so fucked up I can’t even bring myself to throw it away.