HATE CRUSH Read online

  Without thinking of the consequences, I deleted the photos in anger, and then to make matters worse, I ripped out a page of her journal. The page where she said she hated my guts. It’s still sitting on my kitchen table. Maybe I’ll frame it, or maybe I’ll throw it away. I haven’t decided yet.

  Looking at her now, I want to forget the entire project. It’s becoming too complicated, and she’s getting under my skin. In the beginning, I told myself I was doing this to prove something to her, but now, I find that I just want to punish her. That urge only gets worse when I dismiss her, and she refuses to acknowledge me. But she does acknowledge Joshua, who’s waiting for her in the hall. He’s another lacrosse player and obviously someone who hasn’t learned from Ethan’s mistakes. I flay him alive with my eyes, but he doesn’t seem to notice because his are fixated on Stella’s chest.

  “Hey, Cherrybomb.” He flashes a dimple at her. “What’s happening?”

  “Hey, Josh.” She secures her backpack around her shoulders and shrugs. “Not much. Just another day in the life, you know. I practically live here now.”

  “Right.” He laughs. “I was gonna say, you’re always in detention.”

  They both glance back at me as I fiddle with my keys, taking my sweet ass time to lock the door. He doesn’t want an audience for whatever he’s about to say next, and I have no plans on going anywhere until I see how this plays out.

  “So, uh, I was wondering…” Joshua shifts and stuffs his hands into his pockets. “You have anything planned this weekend? I was thinking you could come to the game tomorrow.”

  Stella hesitates, and I think she might actually be considering it. My blood boils as I imagine Joshua sloppily kissing her and groping her under the bleachers this weekend, and before I can grasp onto logical thought, the words are coming out of my mouth.

  “Stella, I need to speak with you for a moment.”

  She turns around and meets my gaze with a blank expression. We haven’t spoken throughout detention for the entirety of the week, and I know she’s wondering what the hell I could possibly want now. I’m wondering myself when I re-open the door and gesture her inside.

  “Hang on a minute,” she tells Josh. “I’ll be right back.”

  He nods and rocks back on his heels, watching me shut the door behind us. Stella waits for me just inside the room, arms crossed and on the defense. She doesn’t want to show her vulnerability, but I know what she needs from me. I know it better than she could ever know herself.

  Before I can stop myself, I close the distance between us. So much so that my shoe bumps against her red Dr. Marten. Her breath pauses, and she glances up at me with those warm brandy-colored eyes that betray her sensitivity. A certain disadvantage for her, considering there’s a predator in her midst, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  “Tell him no,” I command.

  “What?” Her eyebrows pinch together, but she knows she’s asking a stupid question. She just wants me to spell it out for her.

  “Go back out there and tell Joshua no. You will not go out with him this weekend.”

  “Why should I?” she challenges.

  My cock twitches, and I have to fold my arms so I don’t venture further over the line than I already am right now. All I want to do is grab her and push her to her knees and stuff her lips full of my cock until she can’t think twice about asking me why I tell her to do anything.

  “Because I said so, Stella. And you like to do what I say.”

  She’s quiet. Our eyes are locked. Neither of us moves, but I can practically feel the beat of her pulse in my own throat. I want to eat her alive, and right now, she can sense that. But I’ll never admit it. I’ll never admit that she gets to me. I just need her to know that she’s mine to toy with for as long as I want, and that’s all there is to be said about it.

  “Okay.” She drags the corner of her plump red lip against her teeth.

  Logically, I know I need to stop this insanity. I can’t uncross this line. But it pleases me so much to watch her submit to me. I need her to know just how much.

  I pivot on my heel and move around behind her, gently dragging her hair to one side as I lean in to whisper my command in her ear. Her breath stutters, and she instinctively leans back into me, the pleats of her skirt brushing over my rock-hard dick. I know she feels it when she shivers, and I know I need to stop, but my brain isn’t doing the thinking as I drag my knuckles down her arm and watch her break out in goose bumps.

  “Say yes, sir.”

  “Yes, sir,” she breathes.

  “Say I’ll do anything you want, Mr. Carter. Anything you tell me.”

  She swallows, still trying to resist me, but ultimately caves in just as I knew she would. “I’ll do anything you want, Mr. Carter. Anything you tell me.”

  “Prove it.” I close my eyes and drag my nose so close to the hot flesh of her throat I can almost taste her.

  “How?” she pants.

  “Get creative, Stella.”

  The anticipation of what she might do is almost too much. But watching her turn around and sink to her knees in front of me snaps me back to reality. Her eyes are level with my engorged dick, just inches from her face. So close she can smell my arousal. All she’d need to do is unzip my trousers, and I could be right there between her lips. The lips that were made for sucking my cock and screaming out my name.

  Motherfucking fuck.

  “I can keep a secret, Mr. Carter,” she whispers. “Can you?”

  “Stella.” I reach down and drag my thumb across her lips before taking a step back and glaring down at her. “You need to leave now.”

  I turn away from her and drag a trembling hand through my hair. She is so quiet I almost don’t hear her get up. I can’t look at her, but I know she must be shattered. She must be confused, and rightfully so. I wouldn’t be surprised if she walks straight to the office and turns me in for my perverted behavior. But instead of telling her to do that, I call out one last instruction.

  “Remember what I said.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  STELLA

  AFTER DISMISSING JOSH, I spend the rest of Friday night in a restless state of curiosity. Sybil decided to stay late and put in some studio time and neither of my parents have answered my phone calls, which leaves me with little else to do besides ruminate on the events of this afternoon.

  Mr. Carter touched me. He breathed me in. He made me promise him things. Dark things. Things I couldn’t even admit I wanted, but now I crave them with the intensity of a scorching flame. His touch, his commands, his presence. When I was under his spell, it was like I was drugged. Intoxicated by him. So much so that I can’t even be sure it really happened. Except I can still feel him on my skin. My lipstick is still smeared from his thumb. And the image of myself kneeling before him, obedient and willing to do his bidding, is burned into my mind for eternity. He is undoubtedly Satan, but I want him, no matter the cost to my soul.

  I close my eyes and shudder as my fingers snake down between my thighs. I’ve never touched myself there, but now I want to. I want to touch myself and think of him. What would it feel like to be with a man? What would it feel like to have Sebastian Carter’s throbbing cock inside me?

  My sensitive nipples scrape against the lace of my bra, and I wiggle uncomfortably as I try to figure out what my body likes. But before I can, someone knocks on my door, dousing my fantasy in cold water.

  “Psst.” Sybil pokes her head in, and I shoot upright, making an attempt at casual. “What are you doing?”

  “Nothing,” I answer, my voice way too high. My face feels like it’s on fire, but she doesn’t seem to notice.

  “A few of us are going down to Bryer’s pond for a gathering. Want to come?”

  “A gathering?” I discreetly adjust my skirt and stand.

  “Yeah, it will be fun. A good way to blow off some steam after the stress of the first week.” She wiggles her eyebrows.

  Sebastian’s earlier request comes to mind, and I wonder what he would say about this. Then I realize how foolish I am to consider it. It’s not like he’s watching me or really cares what I do in my spare time. Something happened between us today, and I can’t deny it, but I’ve already convinced myself numerous times over that he probably regrets it, and it will never happen again.

  There are rules about this sort of thing, and we broke a lot of them today. He could lose his job. I could lose my place at Loyola. There are too many consequences to consider, and none of them are good. But even as I try to talk myself out of it, I know that if he came to me again, I wouldn’t deny him.

  “A gathering sounds fun.” I force the words from my lips, and Sybil smiles and rubs her palms together gleefully.

  “Thank God, I didn’t want to go alone.”

  Without giving it too much thought, I follow her down the hall and out her bedroom window, which happens to be closest to the shrubbery.

  “It’s only about a mile through the trees,” she whispers. “But we have to be quiet until we get there. Mr. Carter usually takes late night runs around the perimeter, and we don’t want to get caught.”

  “He does?” I ask, getting caught up on his name and forgetting everything else she just said.

  Sybil nods and doesn’t give me any more details, obviously unaware of how desperately I want them. We trek through a well-worn path between the trees, and when the pond finally comes into view, I’m almost disappointed we didn’t get caught. Sybil said it was a small gathering, but it looks like half the lacrosse team is here, including Ethan and his buddies. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Louisa is here too.

  “Do you really think this is a good idea?” I ask.

  Sybil glances at the source of my concern and waves them off. “Just ignore them. We’ll make our own party.”

  I try to do as she suggests and follow her lead as she heads for a guy in the back who’s manning the keg. She bats her eyelashes at him and holds up two fingers. “One for me and my friend please?”

  The beer smells gross, and I already know from this summer that I don’t have a taste for it. But I’m hoping Sybil is right, and I can relax if I just have one or two. We barely even have our drinks in hand before someone calls us over to the larger circle gathered near the pond.

  “We’re playing truth or dare,” Josh informs us. “You should join in.”

  I’m about to say no when Sybil answers for both of us. “We are so in!”

  Crap. I’m pretty sure this would go against Sebastian’s do whatever he says policy. I did not know Josh was going to be here. Or Ethan. Or the whole damn lacrosse team.

  “All right.” Micah, Sybil’s crush of the week, slings his arm over both of our shoulders. “Who wants to go first, ladies?”

  “Stella will go first.” Sybil nudges me with her elbow in good fun.

  “Rules are, you can pass on whatever you’re challenged or asked, but you have to drain your cup if you do,” Josh explains.

  “Fine.” I roll my eyes. “Let’s do this.”

  “Truth or dare?” Louisa challenges, and of course, she’s the one who gets to taunt me.

  “Truth.” I take a sip of my beer, trying to play it cool.

  “How many guys have you been with?” she asks coyly and then giggles. “I bet it’s a lot.”

  Some of the crowd joins in on her laughter, and I try not to let it get to me. There isn’t a way I could answer this question that she wouldn’t use as ammunition against me, so I decide to skip.

  “Pass.”

  “Lame.” Louisa rolls her eyes as the crowd chants at me to chug my beer.

  I drain the glass, and before I’m even finished, someone’s handing me another one. Sybil goes next, taking on her dare to do the splits with a smile on her face while all the guys ooh and ahh over her flexibility. The circle continues, and I continue to drink from my cup, dreading my next turn. I feel woozy, and I don’t know why I even came here when I’m already counting down the minutes until I can leave. Eventually the circle comes back to me, and this time, it’s Sybil who gets to challenge me, which fills me with a little relief.

  “Truth or dare?” she asks.

  “Dare.”

  She eyeballs Micah and licks her lips, and already she looks a little drunk. “I dare you to swim with me.”

  The guys hoot and holler while I bite my lip and consider it. It’s not like we didn’t do this dozens of times over the summer. Sybil is already running down to the pond, stripping off her shirt and shorts along the way. “You can leave your bra and panties on,” she calls over her shoulder.

  I chug the rest of my beer for liquid courage and trail after her, stripping off my sweater and then my skirt, leaving them next to hers. I imagine everyone is watching us as I push my way into the water, but my head is fuzzy, and I can’t really seem to care what they think right now.

  Sybil squeals when she sees that I’ve joined her, and soon, some of the guys start diving in too. Before long, her lips are locked with Micah’s, and I don’t really know what to do with myself. The pond is too cold to be enjoyable, and I’m already shivering and feeling sick to my stomach from the beer, I think. When someone grabs me from behind and spins me around, I can’t seem to react as fast as I should.

  “Hey, slut.” Ethan grins down at me.

  “Fuck you.” I try to push him away, but he’s too heavy, and I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. I don’t understand what’s happening, but something isn’t right. My body is too sluggish. I’ve been drunk before, but this is something different and terrifying.

  “Quit teasing me,” Ethan growls. “I know you want this.”

  Before I can protest, he smears his wet, sloppy lips all over my face, attempting to kiss me as I try to fight him off. Nobody seems to notice, and I don’t know what to do. Screaming for help feels too dramatic, but I don’t want this disgusting oaf touching me.

  “Get off me.” I hiss, shoving him with all my might.

  He barely budges, and that’s when I know I’m on my own. I try to jam my knee into his groin but even that requires too much effort. So instead, I lean in and bite down on his shoulder until he screams like the little bitch he is.

  “What the fuck?” He shoves me away from him, and once my balance is gone, I can’t even seem to tread water.

  “What happened?” Josh asks.

  “Little bitch bit me. She’s into some freaky shit.”

  “Stella?” Sybil calls out from behind me as I attempt to drag my useless body to shore. I don’t even realize that I’m not moving until Micah puts an arm around me and hauls me up, allowing me to take in a long breath.

  “What the hell just happened?” Sybil appears in front of me with wide, panicked eyes.

  “I don’t know,” I admit. “I feel weird.”

  “I think she’s drunk.” Micah observes.

  “She’s only had two beers,” Sybil protests.

  Regardless, they help me back onto dry land, only to discover that my clothes are missing. Sybil mumbles something about Louisa, but I’m only picking up every few words. I can barely keep my eyes open, and now I can’t even stand on my own.

  “We need to get her back,” Sybil says. “Micah, can you give her your shirt?”

  I try to protest until I realize that I’m only in my bra and panties. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, my delusions take on a whole other level of scary when I hear the furious voice from behind me.

  “What the hell is going on here?”

  “Holy shit! Run!”

  Numerous footsteps scatter into the distance as Mr. Carter’s voice explodes through the trees. “Party’s over. Everyone back to campus, now!”

  “Crap.” Sybil and Micah utter in unison as they support my lifeless body between them. I realize I’m holding them back and they are going to get into trouble because of me.

  I try to tell them to go, but it comes out as gibberish.

  “Sybil, Stella.” Sebastian appears in front of us, his eyes narrowed in on me.

  “I’m so sorry, Mr. C,” Sybil apologizes. “I’m trying, but I think Stella’s too drunk to move.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  SEBASTIAN

  THERE ARE expectations for how situations like this should be handled at Loyola Academy. If I was doing my job, I would take Stella straight to the school medical office, where they could observe her until morning. Upon which, she would be questioned and most likely suspended. Loyola has an uneasy track record of making examples of students like Stella. Students who haphazardly expose the ugly side of this school. Feeding her to the wolves and leaving her to fend for herself might be the smarter option in this case, but I refuse to do that.

  Stella is barely coherent as Jennifer examines her on my living room sofa. I’m breaking more rules than I can even count right now, but all I can think about is beating the ever-loving shit out of whoever did this to her.

  “I can test her for benzodiazepines if we can get her to urinate,” Jennifer says. “But that could take some time.”

  “The headmaster’s son supplies the kids with prescriptions. It’s likely Valium or Xanax.”

  “Has this happened here before?” Jennifer frowns.

  It’s evident she’s torn about this entire situation, and I don’t blame her. Jennifer is a doctor, and an old friend of the family, but those ties only go so far.

  “This is the first time I’ve seen it,” I admit. “It’s widely known that the students use uppers and downers for studying and partying, but I’ve never seen them used as a weapon before. She should have known better.”

  My blood boils every time I look at Stella lying there in her barely conscious state. She put herself into a dangerous situation. She completely disregarded every rule she should have followed.

  “She’s young.” Compassion laces Jennifer’s voice. “Teenage girls don’t always know better.”